What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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