like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
