"it" just moved
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
This toilet bowl is my home.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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