With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
