So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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