Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
