I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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