He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
