was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize