i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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