This dress was meant to end up on your floor
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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