I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
