Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize