so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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