it hurts more in the daytime
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
