I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
