So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
