Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
