i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
