I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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