Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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