Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
