a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
