I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
