One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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