the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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