3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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