If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
