i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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