i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
