He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
