Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
