Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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