I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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