So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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