I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
