I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
