I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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