She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
