so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
