i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize