I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
