so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
