and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
