I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
