Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
