Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
where does the pee come out of this thing
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
