Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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