if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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