I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
