So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
