plz talk dirty to me
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
