just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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