i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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