Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
