At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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