i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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