we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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