Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
