Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize