and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
