Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
this will be a night to untag.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
