yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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