so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
