party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
