Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We're too hungover to prance.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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