the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
