Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
