if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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