told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
